Definition Of Being Single
When are you single?
Harlan Jacobsen Copyright © 2003

Singles in the process of divorce often do not consider themselves single and therefore feel guilty if they attend  some  activity exclusively  for singles because they feel they are not really single.
They say they are still legally married; the divorce still is not final. Therefore let's clear up what is meant by the word "single" as far as
our news papers and web sites are concerned at least.

Our definition of single is "no longer living with" and that includes the fact that you are in the legal process. You are in that legal process and if you have decided and personally know you are not going back, then you can consider yourself qualified to attend singles events, answer ads, etc.


Until you have your head to where you see yourself as single, however, you are probably not going to be comfortable with other singles. So it is not uncommon to feel like a fish out of water when you first start going to social events for singles.  You may have not volunteered to be single and your mental processes are not sure it really happened.

Other singles really do not care as much about how far along you are with the legal process as much as how far along you have pro­gressed in emotionally untangling yourself from your ex. Initially, when you are in the process or transition stage, you want to and need to talk about your divorce and the process. Well-adjusted singles who have long since worked through that process themselves will be just as uncomfortable with you as you will probably be with them. Therefore, it is often a good idea to start out in groups of newly singled that are in a similar stage of the process that you are.

Divorce recovery classes, some Parents Without Partners "let's talk" groups, etc., will have more other newly singled people in them than will such activities as the Friday night singles dances, for example. After you get your head on straight,  then you too will feel comfortable and be able to really enjoy being with other well-adjusted singles that have their act together.

So there are different shades of being single, but it is mostly the adjustment process and how far along you are with the adjustment process, rather than what stage the legal status is that determines how "single" you are,

It is like moving to a new country.   You need to admit to yourself that you are now a citizen of this new country.  Once that happens then you will see yourself as single and be accepted by and comfortable with other singles.

 
* Note:  Marrieds from time to time, infiltrate singles events and represent themselves as single.

Therefore, just because the event is for singles, does not always guarantee that there may be some that are not, so be alert.  See our other articles on detecting these phonies.

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