Many newly-singled people are shy. You may have been comfortably married since you were 18. Now, 15 years later, you suddenly find yourself single. You perhaps went directly from the secu­rity of home to the security of marriage.

Being single now is different than being single when you were 18. You may feel like a reject from the married society you have become accustomed to and lost all of your self-confidence. You have had to learn to be independent. You need to get going again. There is no need to be a shrinking violet now.
Many many unhappily marrieds wish they were in your shoes. What would they be doing, do they figure, if they were single? Why, they would be out, taking advantage of it, and having a good time, they think. So, since you’re single, why shouldn’t you have a good time meeting new people?

Shyness is the result of lack of self-confidence. You must gain back your self-confidence. Shyness is the fear of a strange person or situation and is accompa­med by a great deal of self-consciousness. Every normal person suffers from shyness at one time or another. Developing trust in your ability and attractiveness and learning to trust other people is important to over­come shyness.
The more you trust yourself in situations with other people, the more trust you will have in them. People who are very shy somehow feel they have to be accepted by nearly everyone they come in contact with. Do not back away from people just because you run into some of the cruel and thoughtless ones. Remember, other people are shy too. Everybody is nervous in a new situation and feels just as uncomfortable as you do. This passes in a few moments.

FEELING SHY?

Situations in which people are most commonly shy are when they meet mem­bers of the opposite sex, which is to be expected. Experience is the best remedy for shyness and apprehension when you meet members of the opposite sex. Go out as often as you can and meet as many as you can so that you learn to feel comfort­able with them and comfortable in meet­ing new ones.

Do not expect shyness to disap­pear in a couple of weeks. You may need as much as a year or more of experience to feel comfortable. Confidence has to be developed. Drugs and alcohol are no so­lutions to shyness. They never work and eventually you will have a new problem on your hands. Shyness leads to procras­tination: the more you put things off, the harder they become to deal with. If you want to overcome anything, including shyness, you have to work at it. Nothing just happens.

Your emotional health is deter­mined by how well you accept yourself as a person. Remember, people tend to accept you at face value - and they won’t like you any better than you like yourself. If you appear unhappy, maladjusted and ill at ease, others will classify you that way. Get yourself a home environment where you can live a creative and satisfy­ing life.

Buy yourself some new clothes. If you have been a conservative dresser, don’t dash out and buy something wild. Take plenty of time to get clothes that are just right for you. Buy what is coming in - not going out of style (spend some time finding out which is which), even though it costs you more. Buying yourself new clothes that give you self-confidence is a lot cheaper than psychiatrists, doctors, and other ex­penses that will crop up if you remain an unhappy person for any period of time.
Your personality is the major factor that determines your ability to enjoy living with yourself. Self-pity and self-recrimina­tion are two common traps you should avoid. Constantly thinking of yourself as a failure and assessing your life in terms of mistakes and disappointments means you’re nagging yourself and nobody likes a nagger.

Don’t project a negative image of your personality. If your self-esteem is low, you won’t like yourself and no one else will like you either. Look objectively at yourself. Face your faults, but be aware of your virtues and make the most of them. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and emphasize the positive aspects of your personality. When your respect for yourself increases, you’ll notice that others share that feeling. They will enjoy being with you, and you’ll find that you’re a popular person.

YOU’RE MEETING PEOPLE NOW

We will discuss where to meet people in later issues, but in the meantime you are meeting them every day. You do not know if they are single and they probably don’t know that you are single. One of the best pieces of advice I could give any single is to get all rings off your left hand. Others often have time for only a quick glance to determine whether you’re single by this method and, not wanting to be obvious, may not look again to be certain what type of ring or what finger, etc. If you have no rings or your left hand, it is pretty plain that you are single. Wearing a ring just some of the time can leave a tan line on your finger, so best never wear rings at all.
Also, if they see you have kids, they assume you’re married, so you have to find ways to let them know otherwise. People you see regularly (service station owner, grocery clerk) may be interested, but if they assume you re marned, well.
Find some way to let them know you’re single. For instance, talk about the things you do for yourself that others might as­sume a spouse would do for you (men talk about your cooking; women talk about making small repairs on your car or wash­ing machine).

You may recall the Acres of Dia­monds story about the poor farmer who could not make a living on his small rock-bound farm and left his family to roam the world seeking his fortune. Year after year he searched, and becoming aged, he gave up and returned to his farm. He shortly discovered diamonds on his farm - acres of diamonds that had been under his very nose all along. You may discover you have been searching hither and yon, and what you were seeking was close by all the time.

Some of your best dates can come from the times when you are not looking for dates. Just learn to play the game of being single, and you will be surprised at all the opportunities that you have been letting stray through your fingers that wiser singles are taking advantage of every day.

Have you ever thought that Several acquaintances of yours are not as attrac­tive as you, but they seem to have more dates? Maybe it’s because they know how to play the game. Remember, if you want to win the prizes, you have to play the game too.

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