Are You Ready To Start Dating ?
Harlan Jacobsen Copyright © 2003

Are you aware of what you are getting into when you start dating again?  Have you worked thru the emotional trauma of your divorce?

Can you handle the equivalent emotional trauma of another split that equals or exceeds the pain of your divorce?  Will another split (or 2 or 3) and rejection positively convince you that you must be a defective junk person?

Do you know what works and what does not work in dating again?  Can you adjust to casual dating several people and not "owning anyone"? 

Do you think the answer is to find a replacement for your ex so you do not have to finish going thru all this divorce pain?

Can you readily handle the following sort of thing happening to you when you start going out or will you be emotionally distraught?

1.  You attend 2 singles dances and no one ever asks you to dance or if a man, you ask 5 women to dance and all say no.

2.   You go to a singles party and no one talks to you.

3.   You date someone twice, everything is great or sensational and then they will not call you back or you never hear from them. 

4.   Five people take your phone number and not one ever calls.   Or if you are a man, you call 5 women who gave you phone numbers and they do not call you back when you leave your number or they are always "busy" when you suggest doing something together.

5.   You date someone several times and everything seemed to be great.  You really, really liked them, You send them a big bouquet of flowers and they stop seeing you.   Will not return your phone calls, are always busy etc.

6.   You date 5 people one time each, and you never hear from any of them again, or they do not return your phone calls etc..

7.  You date someone several times in a month.  You really looked forward to seeing them again and they end it.  You find someone else and date them for a month and they end it.  Neither will tell you why.

8.  You meet and date someone for a month, that you absolutely fall madly in love with.  Everything is super, once in a lifetime relationship.  They call you and tell you that they have decided you have nothing in common and end the relationship.  Nothing you say or do will change it.

9.  You date someone a few times and they fall madly in love with you. They insist on spending every waking moment with you.  You decide you really do not have any interest in them.   They send you gifts.  They bug you constantly and will not leave you alone no matter what you tell them.

10.  You have a big thing going with a new relationship and you are so sure it is going to last that you bring them home to meet your kids.  You never hear from them again.

These are just some of the normal dating happenings you need to understand and be able to accept as it just comes with the territory.

For example, if you were knowledgeable about dating again, you would have been aware that in number 5,  your dating partner was not into a big commitment type relationship, that when you sent flowers they knew you were getting overly involved and they had to end the relationship.  They really were not the one that ended the relationship, your unknowing inappropriate getting overly involved actions did.  

We are not able to judge whether you are indeed ready to start dating again, you will have to decide that.  We have no test you can take.

We think you will need to first learn a lot about the dating again experience,  refurbish your overall outlook and develop realistic expectations. You will need to gain some experience with simple contacts and ease into it with mini dating, develop relationship skills by practicing contacts with the opposite sex, all this before you can even expect to happily succeed in getting back into this Dating Again.

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