Practice Dating Again as an Adult
Part 3 of Series
Harlan Jacobsen Copyright © 2003
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Practice Dating Again as an Adult
Part 3 of Series Harlan Jacobsen Copyright © 2003 |
|
So it's normal for you to be up tight about getting started dating again the second time around because it is indeed an unknown territory. It is not inborn, it is learned. It is like learning to ride a bicycle or to play the piano.It is a lot of effort and stress, very exhausting and not too pleasant until you get some practice behind you and you can play the piano without thinking about every note, You can ride the bicycle without thinking, now it is falling this way, so I should turn the wheel this way.Once you get on to doing it automatically, then it is fun. So it is with dating.The sooner you get out and get some practice the sooner it will be advanced to a fun state, but you do have to go through the practice and learning stage, just like the piano and bicycle. Nobody can do it for you; some tips and advice will help, but it will still be somewhat stressful until you have some successes dating.Most of us go out and bomb a few times and withdraw from the scene. That is like going out for baseball and stop playing the game because you didn't hit a home run the first few times at bat.Babe Ruth in the same year he had the record for the most home runs, had the most strike-outs. What makes you think you are so special you aren't going to have a lot of misses too?If you are playing horseshoe, you remember what you did when you had a ringer. You try to do it again, with what you learned, and you get better. You forget about the misses; yet when we start out dating we remember and anguish over all our misses.Concentrate and remember only the hits and what you did to get those hits. The same applies about rehashing when you have a relationship end, forget the misses.Practice reaching out, and remember and repeat it when something works well. You get a second chance to do it all over again. Do it right this time, get some experience dating many different people.Yes, we know, you have only related to one person before and you latched on to the first one that seemed nice, you never got to know what the others are like. Much as you would like the idea of dating several now you still tend to go right back and repeat yourself.You say, that person I met is nice, why do I need to date anyone else? You need to date many to get new experience and experiment to find out what is really available, what others are like and you will discover new things, new types of personalities that you used to think you didn't like and you GROW with each relationship.You will grow so much that someone you consider super now will be not even in the running six months from now when you grow as a person and you get to really know by experimenting what type of people you really like. At the same time you will be getting to know (perhaps for the first time) who you really are.Remember you grow with the interaction of dating and developing many different types of new friends. You cannot afford to limit your life at this time by an exclusive arrangement right away with the first person that says," hello, you seem nice".Most that have been one person daters in their early life are amazed that they can handle and be happy and successful dating several people at the same time this time around. It works out so well for some that they go bananas and date far too many people at the same time and become what we call "fragmented". So decide what your saturation point is as far as number of dates in a week, and the number of people you can meet, but go out and meet new people at least once a week, despite the fact you have more dates than you can handle. If you decide that three different people on your dating schedule at the same time is maximum for comfort then when you decide to start dating someone new you will have to discontinue dating someone else.Always have some new ones on the back burner in the development stage. If three is maximum and you are dating two nights a week and going out to continue to meet new people one night a week, then some of this group you will not be able to date even once a week, but more like every two weeks.You will learn to use other time to get preliminarily acquainted with others that seem interesting like going to lunch with them (remember you have to eat anyway) at noon, meeting them somewhere for a drink after work on your way home, going to coffee after a dance or class, etc. Save your big date nights for someone you still consider interesting and exciting after your preliminary non-class A dating -time- consuming dates.The definition we use of the word dating is "a contract for a shared period of time." Time..... is the most valuable thing you have.You are using it up. Who you spend your time with is important. Make each shared moment an exciting time that expands your life and adds to your overall well being and happiness.
Back to Part 1 How to get started Related Information Make the Most of your Single Life! 9 part series on handling Rejection, click here Dating Tips & Advice On Using Dating Tools, click here Practice Dating Again as an Adult |
Our Advice On Your Mature Sex Life, A Sex Education and
Information Article on What Works, click here Mature Sex Education for Sexual Singles part 1. "Guilt
without Sex", click
here |
