|
|
|
Are You In Charge Of You?
|
 |
©
2002 Harlan L. Jacobsen
Handling This New
Found Freedom
Decisions To Make Now
Single Again
Now that you are single again, you have gained
a freedom you possibly never had before, especially
if you went directly from family to marriage.
- A freedom to be miserable, if that's what you chose.
- A freedom to make your own choice, to date who you want, when you want, and where you want.
- This new-found freedom is
pretty heady stuff.
- You may have suddenly become aware that your
future is your own choosing.
The happiest people in prison are lifers. They know
what's ahead.
- Slaves that were suddenly freed were often at a complete
loss, and in a state of shock.
- What would become of them? They had never had to make
a decision.
- Now you feel you too have
been cast adrift, not knowing where you are going or
what lies in store for you.
The best way to keep from becoming derelict in the stormy ocean of
life, at this point, is
- to set a goal,
- grab the wheel, and
- steer through the storms to that point you set as a goal.
- Now probably the first idea you have for a goal is -I must
find a new partner.
Let's back up here and take a bigger look.
- Maybe you were miserable
married, so you got single. Now you're single
and you're miserable,
- so you want to get married again, since it was less
miserable.
- Before you get married again, or even consider setting
that as a goal, you should get a bigger
goal now of learning to be happy single.
- When you have learned to be happy single, then, and only
then, should you consider marriage again - not as an
escape now from a miserable experience.
- You will consider marriage only as a possibility of an
even happier state.
LEARN TO BE HAPPILY SINGLE
Now that you know where you're going - learning to be a happy single - we can go back to talking about
dating again.
- True, the opposite sex is probably going to take an active
part in your happy single life,
and you now look on them as a necessary ingredient of the goal of
becoming a happy single.
Before you can love a specific member of the opposite
sex, you must like those folks in general.
Before you can like them, you must like yourself.
- Before you can like yourself, you must have self-esteem.
Many men, especially divorced men, bitterly resent the materialistic, gold-digging
attitude of some women.
- Most hard-working men are delighted by
a woman who wants to work for what she gets, although they like
to provide for you.
They respect a woman who can pull her own weight. A healthy,
rational, strong man does not want an incompetent, lazy, helpless
female.
- He wants a woman who can face life's challenges with him.
- He knows that if she has genuine self-esteem (which can only come
through her achievements, not through him), she will be that much
more valuable and stimulating to him.
Probably pretty much the same thing can be said about women's
feelings toward men.
SINGLES GROUPS
MAKE MEETING EASY
Now, you aren't going to be able to love somebody you haven't
met. But if you get out where singles are,
- will anyone talk to you?
- Will you be able to meet
people.
If you go to singles' clubs, most try to help you along
as best they can, and most are in the same position you
are or have been there.
Some clubs run mixer dances where they move people around on command
and you get to meet others.
- Take advantage of these.
If you have met people, seek them out again.
- That's the advantage of having met them.
- Attend just as many singles' parties, dances, activities, outings,
etc., as you can.
- It's the law of averages.
If you want lightening to strike, you have to be where the storm
is, unless, of course, you can generate enough electricity all
by yourself.
Go where the action
is, where other singles are. Talk
to people of both sexes; just be alive and aware, but definitely
avoid gossip and talking about your ex.
GO ALONE
Positively do go by yourself. If you go with a friend, chances
are all you're going to do all night is sit and talk to them,
and that's not what you go out for.
- Others will avoid busting up your little twosome.
- Then, if you meet someone you are interested in, it is ruined
because you have to drive your friend home.
You do not have to have a friend along for courage. Meet at the
function, and then only casually.
There are three methods of meeting people
at singles groups.
- (and the best way) is one person decides to go and talk to
another during a gathering.
- When someone asks you, or you ask them, to dance.
- Accidentally at random meet, like in a mixer, etc.
Ladies, men like you to be a little bold, so throw out the Victorian
ideas that you have to wait for the men to be aggressive.
- You are a self-sufficient, independent woman who can handle
things.
- Give others all the help and encouragement you
can by being warm and friendly and easily
approachable.
Learn to relax with people, learn to talk,
how to listen, and mainly just learn how to relate
to other singles.
This all takes practice.
It takes a lot of
batting practice before you can hit the home runs.
Set Up Goals for
the Happy Single Life You Choose
SUBSCRIBE FREE FOR UPDATES
Sign up for our twice a month Dating Again newsletter, (click
here) and
if you are still working thru your divorce, then Sign up (click
here) for the helpful Divorce Recovery newsletter.
*
FREE 5 DAY EMAIL DIVORCE COURSE - "Moving
On"
Five Secrets of MOVING ON TO A GREAT NEW LIFE. End the divorce
misery's. Start your "Moving on" by sending a blank email,
just click
here
*
FREE EMAIL 8 DAY COURSE - "Get Going"
Free Email 8 Day Course, on Dating Again, "Get Going" to a
better life. Start your course by sending a blank
email.
click
here
Top of Page ||
Dating Again 101 Index
|
|
|
 Sign up for
Free Dating Again newsletter of tips to help make new
relationships a part of your life.
Edited by Harlan.
click here
to sign up
Free Email 8 Day Course,
on Dating Again, "Get Going" to a better life.
Start your course by sending a blank email.
click here
Reprint Our Articles
Information Here
Submit Problems
and Questions for Divorce Support Group Discussion
Click
here
FREE 5 DAY EMAIL DIVORCE COURSE, Five Secrets of MOVING ON TO A GREAT
NEW LIFE.
End the divorce misery's. Start your "Moving on" by sending a blank email,
click here
Visit Divorce
Recovery 101, with Divorce Help, Advice, Tips, Divorce Law, Statistics
And Information
click here
Singles Talk shop, chat
about single life adjustment at this site...
click here
Dating Again
101
is our new site for
help in getting back
into the dating
world successfully,
click here
Sign up to receive
The Divorce Recovery 101 newsletter of the
latest help in moving on to a new life.
Edited by Harlan
click here
to sign up.
Single Life Coach
is our site for those
worked thru their
divorce and are
working on a great
new life as a
single person,
click here
Country Singles
is our midwest Newspapers
online site with midwest singles clubs calendars, personals,
archives of articles etc.
click here
Our Free
Country Singles
newsletter edited
by Janet Jacobsen
Sign up today!
AZ Single Scene
is our Arizona newspapers
online site. With AZ
singles clubs calendars
of events, AZ personals, archives of articles etc.
click here
Our Arizona
Singles newsletter with Janet's tips on being single in Arizona
Sign Up
18 Wheel Singles
is our web site for
those in the trucking
industry and interested in meeting those in the industry
click here
Sexual Singles Information Site ...."Respectable" Sex Again
101, click here
Our Advice On Your Mature Sex Life, A Sex Education and Information
Article on What Works, click here
Mature Sex Education for Sexual Singles part 1. "Guilt without
Sex", click here
For Our Singles
Switchboard of over
500 links to sites of
help to singles,
click here
For Some of the
over 100 general sites such as weather etc.
that we maintain
click here
|
|
Subscribe Free
Divorce Recovery Newsletter
Click here |
|
