Your Supply Of Friends Dried Up

Harlan Jacobsen Copyright © 2003


  • It Happened At The Worse Time, What Now?
Most people, at one time or another, have been between friends. When you're single and you just came out of a divorce rather badly scarred from your partner and married friends deserting, at the same time.

Now you will be really be shook up when your first new romance afterwards falls apart, too.

  • It seems like it is just another divorce again only worse.
Now you are sure there must be something wrong with you, this proves it. Going out in the dating world again seems risky.

Now, however, when you have learned (here) that you too can readily find a replacement just as good or better, then it really isn't all that bad. So, there is no real need to go into modified mourning for months.

  • A half day is about right.
As a matter of practice, you might consider always dating several people, never going steady (exclusively) but dating your favorite or favorites regularly.

Now, dating too many too much can be a rather frag­menting experience. Therefore, you may have to arrive at a better compromise, namely dating most of the time with your regular favorite but still going out at least once a week with nothing else in mind other than continuing to meet new people, then dating someone other than the regular at least once a week.

This way, if your regular date relationship falls apart when it splits, you will have an established procedure of running into new people because you have been working at it regularly.

You have something all staked out that you can warm up quickly by advancing it to the front burner.

  • What this all means is that you don't put all your eggs in one basket.

Then when your main basket gets kicked over, it's not a complete personal catastrophe. It is not as much or a trying time for the gal who gets dumped and knew it was coming. She had already scouted up two or three that she had waiting in the wings.

  • This takes much of the pain out of your loss--having some relationship you can turn to.

Newly singled often think they should just be out dating one person exclusively, (I like this one, why would I want to date anyone else) and either get dumped or they end it when they decide this was not Mr. or Ms Right. Then they are out looking for another prospect after going thru and healing up from a mini divorce all over again.

  • This is called serial monogamy, one dating candidate at a time.

Big ups, elations, big downs and depressed when they split and stop dating. An emotional roller coaster.  Not what you want in the first year of single life when you are already overloaded with emotional processing.

  • Therefore, newly singled would be well advised to follow the rule of "no mate hunting" and "no exclusive dating" (going steady) for the first 6 months to a year after becoming suddenly single.



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