HOW YOU MEET

 

Harlan Jacobsen Copyright © 2003

If you are tired of going out trying to find some super place to meet singles then maybe you are ready to try some­thing different.
That something different might be learning to meet sin­gles or more correctly allowing yourself to meet other sin­gles wherever you may be.


How many times have you run into somebody super that you would have liked to have met but neither you nor they made the first move and you kicked yourself for days for having let the opportunity go by. 
Sometimes you go back to that place again hoping to accidentally bump into them once again. This time you will not let the opportunity go by--or so you say. 
Probably what will happen is all of your old hang-ups and shy nature will reappear and you will freeze, up again and nothing will happen.


What you have to do is learn to make things happen wherever you are and there appears to be something worth happening. You have to learn the techniques and a few rules and convince yourself that your morals or self respect will not suffer. It really makes no difference if you ap­proach them or they approach you. What is important is that somebody does it. 
Now if you are like me you get tired of waiting around (sometimes for months) for them to approach you so you approach them. There are many you will never get to first base with. In fact, a heck of a lot of them, no matter how hard you try. Initially many of us feel shot down, miserable, lose all of our confidence and refuse to try again.


If you are dreaming the impossible dream and you get shot down, so what? You didn’t have much of anything better to do at the moment anyway and besides, you needed the practice. After awhile it gets to be sort of fun!


Where are you going to meet all of these interesting people we are telling you to meet? 
Well, just about any­place you happen to be. In the supermarket, standing in line at the ticket counter, walking your dog in the park or just about anywhere you happen to be--shopping, at work or playing--you name it!
When you meet people outside of your usual circle of social functions you often get invited to new parties which means more invitations and meeting more and more people. It is endless and goes on and on. So you have the new friends you meet this way anywhere and then you have a secondary wave of new acquaintances when you meet their friends and many times third and fourth waves of friends all as a result of one initial contact.


All we have to do is get past that initial contact and learning how can be the one essential ingredient in chang­ing your entire life to a happy, active, pleasurable existence that you look forward to every day.


Before we get into any lengthy discourse on rules and details memorize Harlan’s Rule #1. You ask Questions... any question!
It is the simplest thing to remember and the most successful thing I have ever run into in making the first approach. You can stay up late studying and learning cute little come ons, or you can read books with clever lines and get all tongue tied when the time comes. Just remember Rule #1 next time you see someone interesting anywhere.
Pardon me, but I see you have some there in your cart, can you tell me where the paper towels are? Do you know what time the live music starts here? How often does this group get together? Do you know your back left tire is low? Whatever there is always there is a question you can ask and you ask it of the person you want to make contact with. Okay, you have memorized Rule #1... ask questions! That is all you will have to memorize.


That sounded too simple, I know, but it is the key so let’s talk about some other rules of meeting singles any-where. 
First of all you have to learn to detect who is sin­gle. To make it easier for other singles to tell you are single I would (if I were you) never wear rings on your left hand. Quite often all you have is a quick glance and you are not able to sort which finger or what type of ring it is. So put them all on your right hand until you get married. You will eventually learn to detect (sixth sense) who is single and who isn’t but we won’t go into that here. One of the things we need to straighten out is your atti­tude or how you look at meeting singles anywhere on your own without an introduction, etc.
What will they think of me? Will they figure I am some desperate sex crazed maniac? Will they think I am a tramp? What?
They will probably be flattered and think what you want them to think; namely, that you find them attractive and you would like to get to know them. You and I both know it is great for the ego having a single of the opposite sex pay attention to you. In fact, it’s really great!


Most singles are a lot more open minded and progres­sive than you think. It makes no difference who makes the first approach--man or woman.
To get to first base you have to talk. Didn’t I meet you at Betty’s party? Rule #1 can be used by asking, “What is your name?” or “Do I know you from somewhere?”
If you are afraid to try because you might get rebuffed then you are going to get nowhere. Remember, you are no­where if you don’t, so what have you got to lose?
Learn to smile and you, yourself, will be approachable. Being approachable is more of an asset than terrific looks.
You do not have to look smooth and confident when you approach someone. In fact, the more you goof it up, the better. You really don’t have to look super smooth like you do this sort of thing for a living. In fact, you can’t hardly do it wrong so don’t worry about that, just talk to “em!. The very best tactic you could use might be to seem to trip over yourself and say dumb things in embarrassment.
Why bother, you say, they probably have more friends and dates than they know what to do with. It may be true, but then again, Mr. or Ms. Super might be at one of those dry spots. It happens to everybody from time to time, no matter how super they might be.
After you have gotten involved in a conversation using Harlan’s Rule #1... ask questions! (By the way, if you run out of conversation, repeat #1 and ask another question.) Then you are ready for Harlan’s Rule #2. Let them know you are interested.


Let them know you are interested in them more than just as a conversation mate. Now you may assume that they should know this and most will. Yet you must cross formal barriers by putting it into words. Now if you are in some place where there are a lot of other singles, suggest you go somewhere more intimate. Get them away from the group. Whether it’s just going out by the pool or going to some other night spot. This is called “cutting one out from the herd.” Shifting your location gets away from all the competition and distractions. If you are somewhere that you may all soon be leaving suggest going for coffee and continuing the conversation. whether you are man or woman you are free to make the suggestion.
Okay.. .if you are somewhere that means only a brief conversation now, let them know you would like to continue the conversation by saying, “Well, I’d like to talk to you some more and get better acquainted. Let me have your num­ber and I will give you a call or turn that around with, “Why don’t you give me a call sometime and we can continue our conversation, I’m in the phone book under____________. Do not ask for a specific date like, “How about going to the movies with me or let’s go out for dinner next week.” This way when you get the phone number it is because they want to see you again, not because they want to go out for dinner, etc. If they want to go out with you and are interest­ed what you do or plan to do is really immaterial. Just say you’d like to get together sometime, preferably, and do not promise anything more.
When you are going out to meet people anywhere some­times you need to have a prop to help things along. Walking the dog is good (the dog is the prop). Reading a mystery book or knitting--Just about anything is better than nothing. A prop gives you or them something to start a conversation about. Use your imagination: carrying something that is un­usual that can lead to a conversation. 

We will take up more on this idea of meeting people anywhere and everywhere in a future issue.

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