© 2001 Harlan Jacobsen
Statistics show people are waiting for a longer period of time to
get married, and when they do get married, they stay married a
shorter period than even the more recent past (average marriage now
is under 7 years).
When they become divorced, they stay single longer before remarrying.
A rapidly growing number live together without marriage.
Those who get married the second time stay together an average of less
than six years.
In the last ten years, many parents' attitude about their children have
changed from "it's terrible--they are just going to live together,"
to "I wish they'd just live together instead of getting married."
These statements coming from parents would have been unbelievable ten
or fifteen years ago.
Social pressure to be normal and married" and
the "you're home free--you have arrived" when you get married syndrome
still prevail and marriage continues at somewhat near the usual rate.
Very few stop to consider the institution may not be necessary nor
working to their best interest in this day, since marriage was "man-designed"
(not by God--marriage, as we know it, (it is not in the Bible)
for another age.
Since theirs and their neighbor's recent marriage "didn't work", they
figure It was due to a "bad" match-up; the spouse must have been no good
or they didn't "try" hard enough--so they buy a "wash and wear" wedding
gown, "hang in there", and just "keep trying."
They are forever optimistic that the "next one"
will work even if they have to kill themselves with misery trying to make
it work.
It is, indeed, hard to give up on the institution of
marriage when you are in love with the idea and what it is supposed
to stand for and accomplish.
You used to have to be married to provide for
the children that were going to be by-products of sexual relationships.
No more.
A woman used to need to find a "provider". No more.
A man used to need a woman to cook, wash, and mend for him. No more.
The only reason to be married now is affectional to
somehow demonstrate commitment. When the affection is gone.....(dies)
there is no longer a reason to be married. It does (7 year
average) and generates a billion dollar a year divorce lawyer industry.
Big loser in all this is children and having
children. Answer may be in more unmarrieds having children as a
matter of choice.
They claim that children are better off with a father figure around.
This is fairly easily accomplished, he just
may not be "technically" the father. Still, a man plays the role.
A child may have serial father figures, and
that may be an advantage.
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