Study Reports How Online Romances Develop

Two-thirds of cyber-relationships end with first face-to-face meeting

People who formed close relationships with someone they met through the Internet were the subject of a recent study by a University of Wisconsin-Whitewater researcher, reported in the journal Communication Quarterly. Dr. Susan Wildermuth analyzed relationship accounts by 64 women and 19 men, ages 18 to 65.

Relationships ranged in length from four weeks to 13 years (a married couple who met online). Of relationships that had ended, the average length was seven months. On-going relationships were five months old, on average. The relationship narratives were gathered directly from on-line sources.

Fully 95% of participants met their on-line close relationship partner through a common-interest chat room. Another 2% were introduced by a mutual on-line friend, and 2% met through web-based personal ads. In daily interactions people tend to be attracted to those who are similar to them, so getting acquainted through common-interest chats represents a natural extension of how face-to-face meetings begin.

And just like we are more likely to get to know those folks with whom we often "cross paths" such as neighbors and co-workers, regularly "bumping into each other" in a virtual hang-out can facilitate getting acquainted as well.

Of the 83 respondents, 37 were married or involved with someone when they met their on-line partner. All described their real life relationship as unfulfilling compared to the passion and excitement of their on-line close relationship. Eventually 19 of the 37 ended their real life relationship; all were still involved with their on-line partners at the time of the study. Wildermuth suggests that society may need to rethink our notions of cheating and betrayal, since "virtual cheating" does not meet the legal definition of adultery.

The on-line relationships began by using simultaneous-chat programs, and moved to extensive e-mail interaction. Eventually this led to phone calls, regular letters, photo exchanges, sending real and cyber flowers and gifts, and finally meeting in person. So while the initial meeting method may be different than the traditional routes, the relationship eventually moves to the common forms of dating interaction.

One way that on-line relationships differ from the face-to-face kind is that in cyberspace it is relatively easy to withdraw or prevent the relationship from moving to the next level. Participants have more opportunity to "manage" how the other person sees them. About half (49%) of the on-line close relationships ended. Of those, 68% dissolved as a result of the first face-to-face meeting. The researcher notes that such endings may come about because one partner has misrepresented themselves, but disappointments also occur when one person has built up unrealistic expectations about the other.

Of the half of the relationships in the study that were still on-going, 71% had met face-to-face and were planning additional meetings.

While acknowledging that the Internet is a different sort of meeting place, Wildermuth notes that "the relationships established there do not seem to be much different from relationships established anywhere else." The meeting place is significant only in the role it plays in how, or if, the partners chose to proceed from there.

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