Harlan Jacobsen Copyright © 2003

Part 7

Rejection:  Good or bad?

Rejection is just a numbers game,

if you understand the law of averages

By Harlan Jacobsen

     In past articles we’ve shown that rejection is normal and it really isn’t a problem.  If you consider it a problem it is a phony problem.  Real problems have real solutions.  Rejection turmoil is all in your head and of your own making.  It is what I call Baloney, or mistaken, unreal problem.

     YOU ALREADY KNOW AND REALIZE

     1.  Rejection is normal and necessary.  You reject people all day long—you won’t look at them, acknowledge them with a smile—nothing.  You reject them.

     2.  You don’t even acknowledge to most people that they exist.

     3.  It has little or nothing to do whether you are okay or they are okay.  It is just the way things are and the way people have to operate.

     REJECTION IS EMOTIONAL TURMOIL

     ‘What the mind causes, it can cure.’

     When something is not working for you, it is because you have a faulty belief system or assumption.  Garbage programming.  Garbage in means garbage out.  You have carried into adulthood some childhood programming (that’s im-maturity).  Your rejection programming is obsolete and keeps your life from working as an adult.

     As a child most people’s parents (whether you remember them telling you or not is immaterial) kept telling you if you acted “that way” or “were bad”, ‘people’ wouldn’t like you.  Your belief became if you were good and okay, every-body would like you.  If they didn’t, it was because you weren’t acting right or you were bad.  You got the idea that ev-erybody was supposed to like you or you were supposed to do what was necessary for everybody to like you.  If they didn’t all like you, you didn’t measure up or you were defective.

THE GOAL MOM GAVE YOU

     If everyone doesn’t now honor or support you, you still erroneously conclude you are defective.  So you:

     1.  Try harder and harder to have everyone like you.

     2.  Try harder and harder to be really nice.

     3.  Your goal becomes to have everyone like or accept you.  To be ahead of others.

     RESULT:  —YOU WEAR YOURSELF OUT.  YOU SUFFER FROM EXTREME ANXIETY, FRUSTRATION.  You can never reach this impossible goal.  It isn’t you that’s defective; you only have a defective goal.

     CHANGE YOUR GOAL. CHANGE YOUR PROGRAMMING.  Get rid of your old programming on rejection using this affirmation:

     ‘I have discarded my need for approval and acceptance by other people and have placed no time expectations on those that do accept me.  I make no de-mands and have no expectations of others.’

     To get this reprogramming through to your subconscious (computer central), use one of the following:

     1.  Put it on a card and read it several times daily.

     2.  Or recopy it several times a day.

     3.  Use self-hypnosis (explained in other issues)

     4.  Use transcendental meditation.

     5.  Biofeedback.

     6.  Prayer.  Put it in a prayer form three times a day.

     Use on of the above methods three times a day for a least two weeks and you will no longer have rejection and the fear of rejection controlling your life and well being.

     WE KNOW YOU DON’T REALLY WANT TO GIVE UP YOUR OLD GOAL BUT IT IS A NO-WIN SITUATION.

     In EST training, they tell you about experiments with rats.  You have a test lab situation with a rat and five tun-nels.  You put the cheese at the end of tunnel number four.  The rat finds it.  If he discovers that’s where it is he stops looking in the other tunnels and for weeks always goes up tunnel 4.  Then you move the cheese to tunnel #2.  That rat will keep going up and down tunnel number four for a long time.  Eventually he will look in the other tunnels and find the cheese, eventually giving up tunnel #4.

     The difference between man and the rat is that man will go up and down tunnel #4 the rest of his life because that is the ‘right’ tunnel.  He doesn’t get the cheese, but he’s ‘right’.

     Well, you can keep running up and down tunnel number four and keep your old programming that everybody should accept and like you but you won’t get any cheese.  Or you can give up on being right and get the cheese by changing your programming to winning (getting the cheese).

     You have insisted on what you’re doing is right because it is the sure-fire way.  Yet you know it hasn’t been working.  ‘EVERYONE SHOULD LIKE ME.’  GIVE UP ON THAT. YOU DON’T GET THE CHEESE WITH THAT PROGRAMMING OR GOAL.

     We say ‘happiness’ is the cheese.  Dyer in his book Erroneous Zones says, ‘Happiness is the absence of approval seeking as a need.’

     We say, ‘Happiness is thriving on rejection.’  Let us assume that you are right with your old programming and that is was practical and healthy.  ‘Everybody must accept me.’  Think about :  Who do you know that gets the most approval?  What are they like?  How do they behave?  What attracts everyone?

GET THE CHEESE...

NEXT ISSUE:  —MORE ON REJECTION.  How to do it and like it  

 

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