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We all have a certain touch hunger, the need to touch and be touched, whether
we are aware of it or not. In developing a boy-girl relationship,
we go through certain stages, and touch plays an important part in the
increasing intimacy of a relationship.
THE STAGES OF A RELATIONSHIP:
1. Eye to body contact.
If attractive, you move on to stage two.
2. Eye to
eye.
In viewing each other, eyes meet. Normally, you look away
and break eye contact. If you are acquainted, you produce a mutual greeting,
signals such as smiling, raised eyebrows, arms, voice, etc.
3. Voice to
voice.
Vocal contact, usually starts with a question, initially
about trivia, which allows further signals - ear to ear, dialect, tone,
accent, mode of verbal thinking and use of vocabulary permit a whole new
range of Information fed to the brain. By keeping to small talk, either
can retreat from further involvement.
The first three can happen in seconds, or may take months.
4. Hand to hand.
The first touch contact (if not a handshake) can be
disguised as supporting aid, body protection or directional guidance,
usually irrelevant to the true mood of the encounter. Neither states the
fact this may lead to greater intimacies, so one can back out without
hurting the feelings of the other. Once openly declared, hand holding
(or arm) becomes prolonged and usually develops into an undisguised intimacy.
5.
Arm to shoulder.
Bodies have not yet come in close contact. When they
do, another threshold has been passed. Physical contact down the side
of the body indicates a great advance from early hesitant touching, usually
a shoulder embrace, man's arm placed around woman's shoulder, to draw
the two partners together. This is the smallest next step and least likely
to meet with rebuff. Walking together this way gives a slight ambiguity,
half way between friends and love.
6. Arm to
waist.
A slight advance. This is more of a statement of amorous
intimacy.
7. Kissing
(mouth to mouth).
Kissing on the mouth, combined with the
full frontal embrace is a major step forward. It is significant that the
first kiss often takes place as a farewell, borrowing innocence from family
and friend farewells.
Touch, skin and body contact are an important part of the overall continuing relationship.
One researcher in writing one of the best-sellers on the
subject, recommends keeping a hand or some part of the body constantly
in contact with your partner while together.
Try touching your partner
lightly with your fingertips. The ends of the fingers will communicate
their own language to the person touched. This language will be a personal
conversation between the two of you.
Try placing the heel of your hand in contact with your partner's arm or
hand, making little circles with your finger tips ever so lightly. The
nerves of the partner's skin will tingle and the body hairs
stand up
, the ends of the
nerves "reach out" and try to establish contact with your hand.
Get to where you do the light finger touching (moving
your fingers) up and down the arm, touching with their fingertips, and
even inside the middle of the palms, while talking, waiting, riding, etc.
You will enjoy this as much as your partner and it becomes an important
method of communication of your feelings toward each other.
When they are out with others, they will become aware that it is not
the same as being with you. They do not feet the same - they feel better
with you - because you have learned to use touch to
communicate
.
Yes, touch is important
and how you touch affects the male/female relationship.
If you advance too fast or skip some stages, some people think you are
"fast." If you take too much time and get hung up or stay on
any stage too long, you can drive your partner up a tree because you are
too slow.
You must look for response before advancing to the next stage. For example,
holdings hands: if he takes her hand, and she gives it a little squeeze,
it is a signal that he may then advance to intertwining their fingers.
Touch is one of the best ways of communicating your
feelings to another. The touch of a hand, or an arm around
someone's shoulder
, can spell a
more vivid and direct message than a barrage of words. A touch must come
at the right moment and in the right context. Touching a person at the
wrong moment can turn them off abruptly.
Sometimes you must stay
at arm's length or you are considered pushy. The normal stay-apart
distances are 2 1/2 to 4 feet. You cannot comfortably touch at this
distance, and this lends a privacy to the encounter. Anything closer may
be interpreted by some strangers as being pushy. However, closer than this
is considered normal at most crowded parties. You must be
careful
in invading an unknown person's personal sphere. You can come close enough
for them to be uneasy, but not close enough for them logically to object.
Some people like to touch others, and some do not. Some like being touched
and some do not. A woman can sit uncomfortably closer to a man she is
interested in getting acquainted with, than a man can under similar circumstances.
A woman can touch the man at this stage and it's permissible, while a
man cannot touch the woman at this stage if he is to play the game fairly.
These are
just some precautions that have occurred to me.
Every day we all receive communication from others through the five senses:
sight, sound, taste, touch and smell. We are bombarded by impressions
of attractive people. We hear nice things, we taste nice things, and we
smell many nice things. We have a basic hunger to reach out and touch
others and to be touched. You can fill that need for someone and yourself
if you learn to use touch with someone you care about. The impressions
others receive of you come through these five senses. Impress them favorably
with touch.
Keep in touch.
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